Sweet inspiration, you came back!!

Oh sweet inspiration, what you do to me! My heart is racing. My fingers are tingling. My mind is flipping cartwheels out of utter joy because you have come back to me (refer to last post)! I’m also so glad you caught me when I raced into your arms at first sight – like my 5-year old when I come to pick her up, ecstatically yelling my name, trusting I have my balance when the full weight of her body thunks against my thighs.

I stole this image from http://www.schuitema.co.za/blog/?p=1608 (hope they forgive)

Stolen from http://www.schuitema.co.za (please forgive)

And I saw the grin in your eyes when you knew I saw you. You were happy too! (Hee hee. I really do look like her right now →)

In fact, you haven’t left my side since we reconnected. Maybe the reason you left was to restock your idea fridge because the other night you kept me up until almost 1:00 a.m. with your new notions. I could barely keep up. And then, in the middle of work yesterday, you appeared out of the blue and got me all riled up I had to jot some quick shorthand just to capture what you were saying. And now tonight, you caught up with me again starting at my aunt’s 80th birthday party, which I almost didn’t go to. But then, I think you whispered in my ear I should make the effort to go and see the family I haven’t seen in many, many months. And upon seeing many of them, I quickly realized why. You reminded me that I come by my artistry honestly. It’s in my blood. As I looked around the garden, I began to take in the passion and creativity I’ve been surrounded by my whole life. My uncle, for example, has music for blood in his veins. He is a past opera singer with the Canadian Opera Company and a current vocal coach and incredible pianist. (By the way Rudy, I confess to touching your stunning piano. My fingers couldn’t help themselves…) Rudy’s two siblings were near by, one a cellist, the other a singer. My own mother and father inspired writing and music in me from the beginning and pursue both themselves in different ways. My cousin is a writer making his way and following his heart. My other cousin is a photographer and film editor. My aunt’s brother was there too, and he’s an actor and the former Artistic Director at Theatre Passe Muraille among many other accomplishments. I’ll stop there, but you get the idea. Thank you inspiration for knowing how good that would be for me.

And then, my sweet, I turned to find you schmoozing with their inspirations. Friends I guess you have not seen in so long either. Based on how fast you’re making me type, I think the party was just as good for you as it was for me. See? We do make a great team. We’ll keep this simple desire thing of ours alive yet.

So, this is a shout out to you for hearing me and not giving up on me. For reminding me who I am and that I never should have doubted you in the first place. (Yes, I see you nodding fervently like I should have known all along.) I was all worked up for nothing, as per usual. Here’s to you. I hope you enjoyed the cookies (refer to end of last post).

Yours always,


Haagen Dazs love

Man, I love Haagen Dazs coffee ice cream. I seriously love it. I can’t even express to you how much, but I do. I love it! (She says as she meticulously scrapes the bottom of the carton and scarfs down her last spoonful of the sinful goodness followed by a contented, almost erotic, sigh of complete satisfaction.)

It’s just so creamy and it slides so effortlessly down my throat like a cool cascade of smooth silk. I love it so much that I am overcome with the simple desire to write about it. I don’t get it very often – Haagen Dazs ice cream that is. I’m actually pretty good at resisting it most of the time, probably because the stark contrast between its significant dollar figure and its less than significant carton size angers me. So, I only succumb to the temptation when it’s on sale – a good sale – OK, well a decent sale. Hmmm, define “decent.”

I know food is not the source of happiness, but every once in a while, a moment can only be made more perfect by a delicious, decadent dessert. My moment right now is sitting by the fire, basking in the  silence of children in bed and a husband out for the night. I am content and at peace. My world and my belly are full despite my now empty Haagen Dazs cylinder.

I feel like this post should be a little more profound – you know, my whole instrument of light thing – but maybe just sharing this simple joy of mine is enough for today.

Instrument of light and joy

I have this belief that we all have this incredible glory and light within us, but most of us – me included – are too damn afraid to admit that we might be pretty wonderful people if we just gave ourselves a chance. I also believe that it’s in the opening of ourselves and sharing even the tiniest glimpses of our inner glory with each other, that the the light within actually shines brighter and makes the world that much better of a place.

My simple desire is to be an instrument of light – of my own and maybe of those around me who I connect with or who come to this space.

This makes me think of one of my favourite songs: Great Big Sea’s “When I’m Up”. It starts with “I am the fountain of affection. I am the instrument of joy,” and it continues with “I am lifted. I am lifted. When I’m up I can’t get down, can’t get down, can’t get level. When I’m up I can’t get down, get my feet back on the ground.” Every time I hear it I get pumped and am lifted! I want to dance like a crazy woman soaking up the energy and joy it brings out in me.

I start screaming, “Yes! That’s me! I want to be an instrument of joy! I want to bring out the joy in my kids! I want to bring out the joy in my friends! I want to bring out the joy at work! I want to bring out the joy in the entire world!” and on and on until I’ve gone from bringing out the joy in the entire world to the entire Milky Way to the entire, infinite universe in my enthusiasm. My simple desires, aren’t always that simple to be honest.

Anyway, I honestly am lifted by the concept. I’m lifted by the possibility of being an instrument of light or joy in everyday moments that feel to most of us just like that – everyday moments. Dreary. Boring. Normal. Sameness. Why not? Because it’s actually in those every day moments when the magic happens even though we don’t usually take a second to see it. Too busy getting ready for the next thing to happen, we don’t actually see what is happening right now.

LIke this morning, for example. It’s about time to leave and my 7-year old hasn’t yet brushed her teeth because I said something about paper airplanes and she just had to run downstairs to make one right then. There is no later with kids. And, of course, I’m simply anxious and hyper about getting out the door on time that I didn’t soak up how completely focused and excited she was by the possibility of her ability to make a piece of paper fly. So being the awesome mother I am, I scolded her for dinking around and ended up making her cry. How am I an instrument of joy in that scenario? #FAIL – as my 10-year old would say.

Anyway, I get I won’t be successful in every moment, but I can still have the simple desire to be it more often. That’s all I’m going for. That’s all any of us can go for. I just know the more we deliberately try, the more often we’ll get it right, and maybe the more we’ll rub off on others. So, I’m in. You?